"I'm telling you, Ishmael Leseur's Syndrome is capable of turning an otherwise almost normal person into a walking disaster registering nine point nine on the open-ended imbecile scale.

"That's why I have decided to write all this down. Now everyone will finally understand the truth, and instead of election me the Mayor of Loserville, they'll simply shake their heads, smile kindly, and say, 'It's all right. We understand. The poor boy has Ishmael Leseur's Syndrome. It's not his fault.'"